Vortex of feelings

There are things in this world that I would love to do, people I would love to meet, and sensations I want to experience. Sadly, I need to pick and choose between what I want now and what will be best later on. (Very sadly, I am sorry Nathan… *insert very long drawn out melodramatic sigh with twinge of sadness and despair*

I have lately been very able to deal with certain triggers that have yet to disappear completely and find that the cycling in the morning makes up part of certain therapeutic rituals I have during the day. Having said this, I really do not want to continue at a day job where I feel stifled and chained down. However pleasant, and kind the people around me, if there is no fulfillment in what you do, no matter how small, it may not be worth your doing it.

I have had friends argue that you do things no matter what, and I do them. My not enjoying them is the only thing. When it is fashion, art, dance, and even physical exertion, I have no trouble pushing through the tough bits. Mundane day to day jobs… Not a fan. There is something missing for me. (also the crazy days working and finishing school aren’t helping)

Between therapy, getting sick and so many other things, this course has drawn out much longer than expected and hangs over me. I don’t want to make excuses, but I want to express the looming feeling I have at completing all this work and moving on finally! Having a plan at the end of my studies helps but doesn’t completely alleviate all the “crazies” I feel. Sometimes I am high and there are lows. Every now and again, there are angry bursts that can’t be explained or controlled.

I am very glad that I have had the wonderful opportunity to have met several people who, like me, want to see, do, and experience everything. There is no limit to their imaginations and creativity. With my blogging I have found an outlet still new to me and hope my writing is able to convey all that I want it to. Hopefully, soon, I will have some images, drawings and more interesting things to say but today, this is it.

Take care my lovelies and ciao!


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